Sometimes I wonder... am I doing this "right"? Am I responding to my child the way that I "should" be? No one can really tell you a straight answer, which sometimes makes it more frustrating, because every child and every situation is different. I try to reflect, internally, after the incident is over, whatever it may have been, and see how I responded and how my child reacted... was it negative?... was it positive?... was it resolved quickly?... and, most importantly, do i feel good about the results?
I suppose each experience is a S T E P P I N G S T O N E... how cliche, right? However, if I'm taking each incident and moving forward from it, and making sure to learn as I go, then it is a stepping stone, onto the next level of doing this "right".
I'm constantly crafting and I have supplies out all over the place...CONSTANTLY. (ask my husband, he loves it...=)..) So with a 16month old you'd think that she'd have glue all over her hands, needles poking her daily, scissors cutting away her beautiful curls, or balls of yarn being strewn all over the house. When in fact, my mess is from me, not her, and she knows by now that mommy's things aren't for her to play with. Not because I've been a "mean mommy" and told her "no" a million times, because I try to say that as little as possible. I have taught her from the get go that this is what mommy gets to have and toys are what you get to have.
Don't get me wrong, she becomes quite curious and wants to pick things up... and when she picks up my scissors I've learned how I should react and get a positive response. Instead of FLIPPING out and yelling "no!", I watch her facial expression as she's picking them up, and I can see she's curious about what they do and she knows that she's not supposed to be picking them up. Then she sees that I see her and I say, as calmly as possible, "are those mommy's scissors?" and she responds with a nod of the head and she hands them back to me. If I were to react in a freaked out way, and said "NO!" and grabbed them from her hastily, I can only imagine how that would turn out... she'd run off with scissors in hand and probably trip over her own feet and we'd have a big crying fit or even worse, she'd hurt herself, and then scissors being ripped out of her hands and she cries more. If she doesn't know WHY she can't have them the next time she finds them she's going to grab them and run before you even see her.
So looking at those two scenarios, I ask myself, which one makes me feel GOOD? Well gee, seems pretty obvious. Strange how often I see moms doing the latter of the two scenarios and the child screaming and throwing a fit. We're given a choice to respond in a new way to see if something different from our last experience works better... Or do we continue to do the same thing and get the same reaction even if it was a negative reaction last time. We have so many opportunities to teach our children... why not take each one and give them the chance to learn!
I know that I'm not doing things "right" according to everyone or maybe not even according to anyone. But when I feel good after the situation subsides and my child is smiling and not screaming, I can walk away from that and think, "wow, that was smoother than I thought it'd be. & I know how to react the next time I'm faced with this situation." I figure if I can set good boundaries at her young age and get her to where she wants to learn from each situation rather than be ornery and run from each situation I can get a jump start on the bigger "issues" in the future.
Parenting a 16month old is full of surprises and each day holds something new. Let's take each day as a new day and be the best parent we can be. Start fresh tomorrow. Feel GOOD about what you're doing for your child!
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